At Our Worst
by Meeper
Summary: The prequels aern't done yet, but this is a pretty good story anyway. R+R!


Ok, this is my first IZ fanfic. At Our Worst is the fourth installment of a very long series Nutsy Megan and I are writing, so expect the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd peices to come up later. Those explain how Zak, the main Character, came to be (1st) , how his mother died and Zim, his father, came to take care of him (2nd), and his life growing up on earth (3rd). But this is At Our Worst, the 4th in a saga. Just to help the readers, I've compiled how each character sounds, see the list below. Anyway, enjoy the fist chapter! -  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
- Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, though I wish I did, ect. ect. I only own the characters Bif, Wak, Xyl, Rat, and Zak, yadayadayada. -  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
0_o'  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
- Voices of the Cast (whose voices the characters sound like):  
  
Zak: Matt (Digimon Season 1)  
  
Xyl: Older Nala (Lion King)  
  
Bif: Cross between Zazu (Lion King) and Jafar (Aladdin)  
  
Rat: Number 3 (Kid Next Door)  
  
BIR: Mushu (Mulan)  
  
Red and Purple: You should know what they sound like  
  
Random Irkens: You can imagine voices for them. -  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
^-^  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
- Zak couldn't believe his luck.That battered voot cruiser of his fathers had taken him all the way back to Irk, and that Space Wrinkling installment he had put in cut the travel time to a few days! Steering the old craft into the Massive, every other invader irken glanced up and winced as the old vehicle clunked into the port. Zak winced as well at his overcorrection, the hard landing jarring his antenna.  
  
Irkens swarmed around the battered craft, weapons raised and leveled at the door of the voot cruiser, waiting for this potentually hostile person to come out.  
  
"Come on out! Hands up, no fooling around either!" he shouted, his laser leveled at the door. Zak sighed, flicking a piece of dust off his antenna before heading to the door. The irkens outside smirked at the door opened, and the cowled figure stepped out. They're grins quickly turned to wide-eyed looks of shock as Zak straightened up. He kept looming larger and larger, taller and taller, the smaller irkens following his progress.  
  
Finally, Zak stood tall at 6'10", gazing down at them all with his two-toned eyes. Thankfully, he had dawned a monk-like earth robe for the trip, but it didn't hide his height. It only made him look more regal, especially when he threw down his hood to expose his face. His silver eye contrasted sharply with the normal red eye, his healthy green skin only adding to his oddness. he gave them all a look of confident surprise, and they all dropped their weapons with a clatter, staring at Zak with bulging red eyes. The leader of the group waved his antenna in salute at Zak, which Zak returned. "I'll...I'll go get Bif, he'll sort this out." With that, he ran off deeper into the massive, leaving everyone alone with the huge irken. They had never seen an irken with two different colored eyes, much less one that was about a foot taller then they were. Zak stared at the gawking irkens and cleared his throat. All came to rapt attention. "Err...so, how are you guys?" The group gulped, but then drew shaky smiles. "Fine fine, just fine..." Was the general response. Zak grinned. He was getting somewhere...  
  
About an hour later, that leader came back with an irken about an inch shorter then Zak, his deep green skin sort of greyed, giving hints to his true age. He seemed to be just a few olders then this newcomer, thanks to an expirimentry anti-aging drug. A long sword was sheathed and strapped to a belt at his waist, and his left eye covered over with a grey/red cataract, which he carried with much pride. Damnable soapeaterians, knocking out his left eye with a stray laser shot. But oh! how he had made them pay... Slightly annoyed at being disturbed, he got a shock at seeing this tall irken in the Massive. Raising an eyebrow at this huge irken talking adimately with his inferiors, the huge male didn't seem to mind at all. Another eyebrow. This irken had two different colored eyes. An old irken proverb came flying back to him, and he shuddered internally. 'They say an irken with two different colored eyes will grow to besomeone of great importance...' He didn't show it though, and started walking towards the group that was now crowding around this irken that seemed so much like them. He wasn't aloof, nor snotty because of his height, nor did he ignore them like the others his height. He wasn't cruel and masterful, nor did he treat them like inferiors, he acted just like one of them...  
  
Bif frowned slightly as he strode towards the crowd. This was not normal behavior, not for someone of his social status. After all, he was very tall for an irken, and maybe the next runner up for Tallest, along with Xyl. Another thing. Why on Irk did he have a quiver of arrows on his back and a bow trapped to his back? And what was he doing in a hooded robe? Making his way through the crowd, he glared at them all. "Back to work! Before I cut your knees and turn you all into table irkens!" He shouted, his gruff and commanding voice sending them all running. They all scattered, and Zak watched them go before standing with a slight frown. "That wasn't very nice you know."  
  
"I am Bif, overall political advisor of the Almisty Tallest Red and Purple. I noticed your height when I was called here, and I was wondering if you would like to become another advisor to the Tallest." Zak blinked in surprise. That was quick.  
  
"Don't...don't you want to know anything about my education? Or even my name?" He quirked his head to the side in confusion. Even humans wern't this liberal with their polititions. These guys must be idiots, or really trusting. One of those.  
  
"Can you read and write Sedo Irken?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then it's settled. What's your name irken?" Zak grinned as Bif lead him away, and every single invader there looked disappointed at his leaving before they went back to their work. Zak turned his silver and red eyes to this Bif and quipped, "My name is Zak, son of Invader Wak and Invader Zim."  
  
Bif blanched at this, going pastel green for a moment in shock. This was the offspring of that planet-destroying 4 foot idiot?! No disrespect to Invader Wak, she was alright, but good Tallest! Not Zim! No one noticed the SIR unit come bouncing out of the voot cruiser. BIR, still in his little demon outfit, grinned in an annoyingly cute way and ran after his new master. Wak was dead, he had to annoy someone after all. The tiny red robot ran after Zak and ended up slamming head first into Zak's leg, causing him to stumble. Zak looked down his back with a raised eyebrow, then grinned at the SIR unit now sliding off his leg like roadkill on a truck fender. Bif glanced over and raised a sceptical eyebrow. Zak smiled sheepishly.  
  
"Err...this is Bir, my mother's SIR unit."  
  
Bif leaned over in his grey and black political counselor's outfit and looked at BIR lying on the floor like a squashed duck.  
  
"Why isn't he with his master?" Zak glanced away, staring at the ground for a moment, and Bif could almost smell the sadness rolling off of him.  
  
"Invader Wak died defending me as a smeet from a bounty hunter named Sin."  
  
Bif nodded, vaguly recognizing the name.  
  
"I'm sorry about your loss, but what's that got to do with that SIR unit?"  
  
Bir instantly snapped to attention, with his idiot grin again, tiny little fings revealed in his moronic smile. "I'm ok, but the ninja monkies are plotting my demise at this very moment!" he then rushed over and jumped onto Bif's head, hanging down from his antenna to stare upside down in his face. "You must be careful too! They aern't choosy with their cheesy-puffy doominess of doom!" He squealed, and Zak gritted his teeth in nervousness as Bif's face controted with pain at the SIR unit hanging off of them.two guards rushed over and tore the robot off of the high-ranking irken's antenna as gently as they could, and BIR immediatly bounded back into Zak's arms, who caught him while still staring at Bif, who was rubbing his aching antenna angrily.  
  
"What a charming little pet." He spat, then regained his composure. He smirked, then waved Zak along. "Follow me." Zak nodded, then glared so evilly at BIR that he gladly hid inside Zak's leather quiver, squeezing himself inside as Zak followed bif out into the Irken city...  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
"But almighty Red! You can't execute Rat for no reason other then you feel like it!" Xyl continued to plea for the merchent irken's life, Rat gazing innocently up at Red with her orange eyes. The blades on her Scythe Staff flashing in the light from the lights ovehead, Xyl put her hands on her hips, white advisor's robe glittering ever so slightly in the irken sunlight, the blue trimming matching her azure eyes, an effect of her genetic leucism. She was quite the shocking sight, at 6'10", which was pretty rare for a female, with clear blue eyes, purple antenna instead of black, and pure white skin. It's what made her so noticable in the first place, her being an albino, not to mention her blue eyes and her dark plum colored antenna. Her large height added to this oddness. Red continued to look bored, munching on a sub sandwich and cheetos from Hateria's moon.  
  
"You have to remember Red, you owe me a favor." That caught the Tallest's attention, him choking on a cheeto from shock. He glared dangerously at the now smirking Xyl, hating her for bringin that up. It was quite embarressing actually, she had saved him from an assassin's trap, a carnivorous toilet to be exact. She had sliced the thing in half with that bladed stick she always carried around, but in the process had found out about the little secrete stash of Good-Nights he had hidden under his sink. When the couselor didn't get something she wanted, she blackmailed him with that information...  
  
Wishing Purple would come and get him out of this, Red sighed, still glaring at the white-skinned female irken. He waved a hand, looking away in angry defeat. "Fine then. You win. Release the merchant!"  
  
The pair of guards restraining Rat frowned but did as their Tallest commanded, undoing the electrical hand cuffs. Rat looked over joyed, her orange eyes sparking with joy. "Now, Almighty Tallest, I return you to your business. And I'll have a word with the freed merchant!"  
  
Waving her antenna and sweeping a bow, she gripped the much shorter irken's forearm and let Rat out of the grand hall, waiting until the slave irkens had closed the doors before releasing the merchant roughly. "That is the last time I save your sorry speen, got that?!" She hissed, looking very imposing in her political advisor's outfit and with her fists clentched. Rat stumbled, but blinked up at the impatient counselor with a catious smile.  
  
"Trust me Xyl, when your plan is ready to be carried out, I will personally supply you with the best ammunitions and explosions avaliable on both the irken and black markets! I will never forget your kindness!" Xyl still didn't trust the orange eyed irken. She had betrayed her once, she could easily do it again.  
  
"Why is it that I still don't trust you? After all, every time I have given you information in the past, you always blow my cover!" She spat, keeping her voice low as not to draw suspition from the various slaves and table irkens running around the place, keeping the irken marble mirror clean and the omported gold and amber handles shining. "I remember the last time I told you something! Remember when I told you about Purple's little fling with one of the female cooking irkens?!"  
  
Rat nodded, grinning widely. "Oh yes! That one ws a doosy too!" Xyl's blue eyes narrowed, and she stepped forward, glaring down at the short merchant, about Zim's size.  
  
"Look you blabber-mouthing scumbag, are you not getting the point?! I can't trust you with anything because of your addiction to gossip!" Rat finally got the point.  
  
"Trust me this time! I'll keep my mouth shut this time!"  
  
Xyl kept her frown as she shoved Rat out into the city courtyard. "I hope so," She spat as she closed the door herself. "For your sake, I hope so!" Rat blinked, then dusted herself off, and running off into the market places of Irk, back to her explosives and ammunitions stand.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -  
  
The tailor female clapped her hands at her work, smiling proudly up at Zak, who was looking himself over. Bif was trying not to laugh at the expression on Zak's face, which was one of slight misery. "I feel like a living dress up doll." He stated dryly, though in truth, he didn't think it looked so bad. At least they let him keep his monk's robe, the one he arrived in. He could wear that later, in his spare time. His lavender counselor's outfit with darker purple trimming offset his silver eye and green skin, just what the seamstress had been planning the whole time. He paused before leaving, strapping his bow and arrows around his shoulders before leaving. Again he followed Bif around, looking around the planet he had never seen before and yet felt so at home in.  
  
"You know, you're the same exact height as Counselor Xyl." Zak stopped right in his tracks, causing a small smeet to run right into him before running away back to it's mother, who instead of shouting at Zak started scolding her child for running into such a high ranking irken. Zak turned his head, but started walking again, raising an eyebrow. "Who's Xyl?"  
  
"Counselor Xyl, Zak. Counselor. She is-"  
  
"She? I haven't seen so much as a female so far that's larger then 5 foot 5!"  
  
"Well, Counselor Xyl is 6 foot 10 inches, just as you are. She is in charge of military movements and strategy, because the two Almighty Tallest Red and Purple know nothing of war." Zak consitered this then popped a small question.  
  
"What are you in charge of?"  
  
"Me?" The older irken chuckled. "I am in charge of general politics and relations ships with other species. You see,"  
  
He said, gesturing out to the whole of the Tallest Courtyard, overflowing with various flowering plants and trees from the various planets that Irk had conquered or allied with. Zak followed his hand around, grinning at the massive amount of plants and the huge fountain in the middle, spewing not water, but some other liquid that didn't hurt irkens like water did. It was quite pretty, nonetheless. Bif's voice snapped him from his daze as they approached the massive bronze-double doors.  
  
"The counselors are the real tallest, because Red and Purple cannot take care of the planet. They don't know how, in truth, so they depend on us to rule for them. We tell them what to do, and they carry it out, and get all the praise for our decisions. But we don't mind, many of us have it quite a bit better then when we grew up." Zak blinked, and stopped again. Looking up as his antenna brushed an apple, he reached for it and plucked it from the branch. He was about to start munching on it, but BIR sprang from his quiver and ran off with the apple, screaming something about bewaring of processed meat made by deranged rap singers. Bif gave another annoyed look, then raised an eyebrow at Zak again. "You know we can't have a crazy SIR unit loose on the grounds like that."  
  
"Sorry," He grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head and blushing from embarressment. "I hit him once over the head with a frying pan when he was trying to steal my doughnuts and he's been like this ever since." Bif continued to eye him before Zak started to speak again, grabbing another green apple from the strange tree.  
  
"I was going to ask you something before I was interrupted." He said, taking a bite from his apple. He swallowed it before continuing. "How many Advisors are there?"  
  
"10, to be exact. Each to their own particular fields." He said, coming up the steps to the bronze doors. The servant irkens opened it, and Bif knew to step back. Zak did not. There was a resounding SMACK!!! as Zak got whacked over the head by the huge metal double doors, Bif grinning at his stupidity while Zak backed away, clutching his aching head with both hands. "OOOOWWW!!!" He yelled after a moment, getting the pain out in one shout. Even the servant irkens couldn't help but smile as they sped out of the way to hold the pair of doors open for the two counselors.  
  
"So, what field do you reign over anyway?" Bif asked nonchantly, wiping a brow as the entered the cool shade of the greeting hall, walking along the red carpet towards the next set of doors. Zak blinked.  
  
"Well, it's general politics, and how to rule properly, so I guess it would just be politics and public relations." Bif's eyes narrowed, and his small feeling of friendship with this new irkenevaporated in an instant. That was his job. His area of expertise, and this boy was going to steal his title?! No, by the tallest, no! Just as they were about to open the second set of doors, a cold and deep female voice echoed out from the corners.  
  
"Bif! Just who the dookie is that?!" Xyl demanded, striding out of the shadows to appear under one of the windows, sunlight streaming in. Her arms were crossed, her eyes were narrowed, and her Scythe Staff was strapped to her back. Zak swung his head around, then took a double take. He did his best to keep his mouth closed and stop from gaping at this female. Whoa... He thought, looking her up and down. Purple antenna, albino skin, blue eyes, and tall! She was as big as he was!  
  
"So this must be the infamous female counselor!" He said, stroding into the light himself on his ways, and it was Xyl's turn to do a double take. Unlike Zak, she didn't have any sudden attraction toward him, she had just never seen an irken with two different colored eyes before. In an old earth custom, once Zak got close enough, he showed her his most charming smile.  
  
"Nice teeth." She said dryly, not affected by the gentleness of the grin.  
  
"I am Zak, and I would most certainly be blessed if you were to tell me your name." He said, bending to a knee and kissing her hand in an old earth custom. He didn't know what hit him when the next second he was on the ground at Xyl's feet, his skull feeling like it was about to crack in half. Bif blinked, then sighed and shook his head as Xyl pulled her mallet back up onto her shoulder, glaring down at the now groaning Zak, she spat at him, then walked over him back into the shadows, mumbling something about being contaminated.  
  
"...Ow..." Zak groaned, pulling himself unsteadily to his feet, weaving and wobbling before gaining his balance again. Bif shook his head, almost feeling sorry for him.  
  
"Look kid, feel lucky that she didn't rip out your squeedily-smooch with a rusty nail and then give you to her SIR unit like she did with the last guy who tried to put a move on her." He steadied Zak as he stumbled again. "Heck, with how gentle she was, I think she likes you!" Zak looked at him incrediously, a hand on his now thoroughly abused cranuim.  
  
"You call that gentle?!" He whispered with a tone of shock. Blinking and shaking his head, Bif sort of led Zak towards the second set of doors, inlaid with ivory and dried flower petals. Openning it again, Zak squinted against the surge of light from the stained-glass windows in behind the Tallest thrones. Purple was there, since Red went off somewhere, muttering something about having a nervous breakdown before he burned down his bathroom. The current Tallest gave them both a thin smile, but brightened when he saw Bif.  
  
"BIF! My old friend! Come 'ere you rascal!" Purple shouted, floating towards the coulnselor, the wrinkles around his mouth evident in his wide smile. Both Red and him were getting on in age, but they were relishing what little time they had left. Bif grinned stepping up and bowing before smiling himself. "Ah Purple, how are you feeling my old friend? Those nurses are giving you your dosage of Anti-aging serum, right?"  
  
Zak watched this procession, and suddenly, the room began to swirl. Stumbling a little, he glancing around to see the room had gone to black and white, and everything had changed. The place was cleaner, much cleaner, and the pillars holding up the roof weren't stone, but marble. The thrones were gone, replaced by a huge table with 15 chairs around in, the cusions velvet and the redwood from earth inlaid in ancient irken patterns with silver. Several irkens sat around this table, talking adimately. Zak scratched his head, trying to figure things out. What was going on here?! And something else, not all the irkens at the table were tall, some were quite short, but all were using sophisticated language, and looked like they knew exactly what thye were talking about. He could see Xyl there amoung them, taking to an irken about 2 feet shorter then her, but no Bif.  
  
"How odd..." He muttered, glancing around. Everyone stood up suddenly, and Zak swung around to see the double doors open. He grinned, waiting for this tallest...  
  
His eyes widened, and he stumbled to keep himself from fainting, for the person striding toward the table was himself, 4 inches taller then his current height. Even Xyl looked taller in this weird place. Remembering something that his father Zim said about being shot with a growth inhibitor when he was a smeet, the pieces began to fall together...  
  
---------------------------------  
  
Yays! Next chapter coming up soon! 


End file.
